ANOTHER KATRINA LINK

WLOX news had this to say about Katrina.

MORE ON KATRINA

Here's a link to a Hattiesburg American article from midday Monday.

Sa just spoke to Annette to let her and the kids know that Dan is safe and will fly into B'ham tonight.

We just got through to Mom and Dad via a neighbor's cell phone. (They're in the same shelter). He said that the downed trees and power lines were so bad that they couldn't get out to check on the horses and other animals at the farm. From what they said, the storm was worse than Camille, and they guess it will be weeks before the town has full power. That sounds like an exaggeration, but then, I'm not seeing what they can see. They said the amount of downed trees is mind-blowing and that Purvis/Hattiesburg were hit severely. They said that all the buildings near the church building were severely damaged.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

AAAHHH...I can't reach Terry and JoEllen. The last I heard they were trapped in Ocean Springs, unable to drive any further East. No news from Christen,either. Still can't believe she decided to stay at her house - a block from the beach!

I spoke to Algernon. He decided to stay at my apartment complex - who knows why. He said the power was off and would be for about 72 hours or more. According to Algernon, the complex suffered a lot of damage - downed trees, siding knocked off, and (aack) lots of water damage including collapsed ceilings - hopefully not in my building, but I won't know until I get back down there.

Last I heard from Mom and Dad, they were headed to a local church set up as a shelter. Even if they had a cell phone, we wouldn't be able reach them. Nobody from the southern half of the state can get a working signal, apparently.

How ironic is it that my brother Daniel picked today to fly in from Germany. He's switched his flight from New Orleans to B'ham, so I can pick him up tonight and bring him back to Mom and Dad's when this blows over. If my apt. is badly damaged, looks like I might be living with the folks for a while. That's a long commute to work in Gulfport with these high gas prices, though.

Man, I wish our phones would start working so I could know how everybody is. Please, God, let the phones start working soon.

KATRINA

I am a refugee. On the road all day, fleeing the hurricane, I've used nothing but public restrooms. I haven't even washed my face; we left right after I ate my last bite of raisin bran. Without a shower and dressed in yesterday's laundry, I finally arrived at my sis's house in B'ham about an hour ago. I say finally because we'd been in town a while. Sa and her family got a later start leaving Mom & Dad's house than Jen and I did, so they arrived hours after us. While waiting for them to unlock the house, Jenny and I were left to wander around the Summit, taking in a movie and listening to music at Barnes & Noble. Doesn't sound too bad, until you consider how we looked and how we smelled. Ha ha. All the well-dressed couples on dates gave us funny looks. It wasn't just my imagination, was it? Wish I had taken a few more clothes in my rush to evacuate. Wearing the same 2 t shirts and shorts may get old. Looks like the storm is headed right this way, so I'm left wondering when we can return south. It was hard to take the storm seriously after the last one was a false alarm, for us, anyway. So I left my electronics and clothes and pictures and... Oh, well. I've heard Katrina compared to Camile about a hundred times today, so I'm imagining catastrophy waiting for us with open arms. Hearing horror stories about category 5 hurricanes obviously planted some deadly seeds in my brain. I was impressed with the number of friends who called to make sure I was getting out of harm's way. And just like the last storm, Inoticed how friendly people became when they heard about the hurricane. We were greeted by countless friendly, loud voices at every restaurant and gas station where we stopped. Most were from the New Orleans area - judging from accents and license plates. Even lots of H'Burg residents left (Jen included), letting me know that the storm really is serious, but we couldn't convince Mom and Dad to evacuate with us. What is it with older people and their houses? It's just a rental, for Pete's sake. It was certainly a strange end to Dad's birthday celebration this weekend. One minute we were cutting cake and the next we were throwing clothes into travel bags and filling jugs with drinking water. If you pray, please ask God to protect the people in the path of this storm. I'm sure most were as surprised by the category rating as we were. Wish they all could have driven out of harm's way.

WAR AND PEAS AND QUIET PLEASE

I took my class to the public library today. The trip cast me in a role I hate: drill sergeant. Picture the line of perfectly uniformed teens melting on the library lawn in the hundred-degree heat as I read them the riot act. "In public libraries we speak in quiet voices. We do not throw books or rough house. We do NOT talk or laugh in loud voices. We whisper!" Though unpleasant for us all, the lecture seemed to work. As the librarian issued cards and gave them a tour, they were as quiet as mice. After learning to use the card catalog, they dove into the stacks like accomplished bibliophiles. While the herd grazed, I set out to round up the stragglers - helping them find books on appropriate reading levels. Two students presented books for my approval, "Are these on our reading level?" One was holding a beginner board book (the laminated kind that keeps toddlers from wiping peas and carrots into more delicate pages). The other held an enormous copy of War and Peace. I broke my own rule and laughed out loud. Sometimes I take my job too seriously. Do you think that's what they were trying to tell me?

BULLSEYE

Target is hitting the mark with its new line of furnishings and accessories by Thomas O'Brien. Have you see any of these pieces of retro coolness? They look like I designed them. Literally...it looks like ideas jumped off the pages of my sketchbook and into the photos of a magazine spread. Why can't Wal-mart follow their lead? Good design for all!

LIKE ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY

Bryant and Alicia brought the kids over to the apartment for an ice cream snack after work today. I invited them on the spur of the moment. It was such a hot day; I thought we all needed a big scoop of ice cream. After we ate, the girls played, and we talked. They gave me good advice and prayed for me. I'm encouraged! Thanks, God.

BLIK

You never know what you'll learn by reading Business 2.0. The new one has an article about Scott Flora and Jerinne Neils -- the creators of Blik. Maybe I've found the solution for my apartment's zero-art problem. Check it out and tell me what you think.

MASTER THESPIAN

Jon Lovitz is funny! I'm excited to see his name on the roster for the new Producers. He is the Master Thespian! And he and Victoria Jackson will always have a place in my heart. Who's your favorite SNL vet?

TOP 3 FUNNY QUOTES FROM SHORT CIRCUIT

1. "NO DISASSEMBLE! Number 5 is alive!"
2. "I am standing here beside myself."
3. "What do we do now?" "Well, I don't know about you, but I am planning to scream and run."

FINE ART

I was browsing eBay today for midcentury modern - just window shopping. I ran across a pair of Elvis-looking motel lamps. The picture was enjoyably ugly, so I saved it. Then I ran across a similar picture and then another one. I'm going to Snapfish them into 8x10's. I wonder if my friends will get my attempt at witty irony. I can't afford something from a gallery or Museum store, and I'm not putting some Monet from Walmart on my walls. Yep, gaudy lamps taken with a cheap digital camera will have to do. I guess they'll be my tribute to Warhol - a protest to overpriced snooty art . Why isn't decent art affordable?

MOUTH WATERING VS EYE WATERING

Terry and JoEllen treated me to dinner at Sakura last night.   The atmosphere in the restaurant was so restful; I didn't want to leave.  And the food was fantastic - a pleasant surprise.  My first experience with sushi had me fearing the worst.  I'd eaten it once with Casey at a Chinese buffet, but it was nothing like this!  The buffet sushi was so bad that we drowned it in spicy mustard so hot it made our eyes water.  That was not the case at Sakura!  When matched choptick to chopstick, the two places are not even in the same league.  Everything I tried was delicious, but I especially liked the california rolls and smoked salmon sake.  If you haven't been brave enough to sample sushi, I recommend it.  But make sure you spring for the expensive stuff, or the tears in your eyes won't just be from the mustard.    

EMAIL SURVEY #2

Here's another one. Do I secretly like these things? I think I must since I copy and paste them here. What is it about these email surveys?

1. What is your occupation? teacher
2. What color is your underwear? novelty print
3. What are you listening to right now? Vin Diesel's voice on the TV
4. What was the last thing you ate? French Toast for dinner, baby!
5. Do you wish on stars? Yes.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? red
7. How is the weather right now? fair; 83 degrees
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? my mama
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? I like everybody I meet...eventually
10. Favorite drink? milk or water (Can you believe water has its own web site?)
11. Favorite sport to watch? MS Sea Wolves hockey
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? nope
13. Do you wear contacts or glasses? both
14. Pets? hamster, fish, bird
15. Favorite month? December
16. Favorite food? fresh-baked bread, hot from the oven
17. What was the last movie you watched? XXX: Special Edition. I'm so high-brow. Ha Ha.
18. Favorite day of the year? CHRISTMAS!!!! Merry birthday to me & Jesus.
19. What do you do to vent anger? spend a few dollars from the fuss budget
20. What was your favorite toy as a child? Alvin & the Chipmunks' Curtain Call Theater. My Lionel train set is a close second place. My Kodak disk camera, too. Remember those?
21. Fall or Spring? Fall
22. Hugs or kisses? hugs
23. Cherry or Blueberry? cherry (Sorry, Dad)
24. Do you want your friends to emai l you back? I never forward these things
25. Who is most likely to respond? n/a
26. Who is least likely to respond? n/a
27. Living arrangements? 2 bedroom apartment
28. When was the last time you cried? 20 minutes ago
29. What is on the floor of your closet? my record collection; crates of costumes; other junk
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Melissa Vaughan
31. What did you do last night? dinner & a movie at Ryan's house
32. Favorite smell? baked goods in the oven
33. What inspires you? supernatural self-sacrifice
34. What are you afraid of? I've got nothing to fear.
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheeseburger!
36. Favorite car? my 2002 2-door black Chevy Blazer (dream car = Toyota MR2 spyder)
37. Favorite dog breed? Lab
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 2
39. How many years at your current job? 1 at the private school; this is my 6th year teaching
40. Favorite day of the week? Fridays
41. How many states have you lived in? 3 - Mississippi, Arkansas, Tennessee (Go Vols!)
42. How many cities have you lived in? 8 - Jackson (birthplace), Knoxville, El Dorado, Purvis, Hattiesburg, Biloxi, Ocean Springs, Gulfport

I'M NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL FOR MAYONAISE

Terry and I were fixin' supper tonight. He needed mayo, but I left it in the fridge at school in my lunchbox with the tuna. That's the way life can be when there's a teacher in the house. Need the hammer? Needle and thread? Scale? Just about anything useful? Too bad. They live in the classroom now. Even my DVD player was stolen by the classroom last year, but the apartment had temporary custody over the summer and hasn't sent it back yet. Does your job steal your stuff, too?

NET BRAIN

Ryan and I grilled steaks and watched The Day After Tomorrow. While watching, I realized that one of my favorite actors - Ian Holm - is in that movie. I really noticed him after watching him play Napoleon in The Emperor's New Clothes. He's been in 110 movies & TV shows. Can you imagine? I'll bet he'd have a hard time listing them from memory. While Ryan and I were talking about Holm's impressive number of roles, Ryan admitted that he couldn't remember all the parts he'd played over the years. I guess it would be like me trying to remember every child I'd taught. At least Holm can look himself up on IMDB. Don't you wish every cool thing you ever did was listed on a website? Is that why half the world seems compelled to blog?

FULL LOVE TANK; EMPTY GAS TANK

Mom and Dad drove down Sunday to see the final performance of the musical. Kim drove from Ocean Springs. Having people in the audience made it so much more fun.

It took 8 hours to strike the set. Werner used a lot of screws building that boat! After I bade farewell to the cast, I left grudgingly for the school office where I made copies until 11:30. When I got home, Terry and Jo were watching TV. We decided to go to Waffle House, so I didn't hit the hay until around 2. Sunday was a long day!

Monday was packed, too. After school, I met up with Chris and Josh. We swung by home depot and picked up some shelving, then hit the schoolhouse and installed them. Afterward, Josh and Chris made dinner for their families and me. Terry and Jo joined us, too. I brought dessert - lemon creme pie.

The conversation was the best part of the evening. Because of the rehearsal schedule, it's been so long since I've been able to talk to any of them. Chris kept hinting that he wants a video camera from Wendy for his birthday this week. I suggested that we use it to make some home movies - some silly skits or something - and then get together for a night of eating popcorn and laughing at what we tape. We could make the video Drew Carey style with a "Who's Line" theme. Or we could write a script. What should our first feature be about?

I drove around with Sherman tonight. He and I were talking about the rising gas prices. I'm thinking about buying a cheap bicycle for my quarter-mile work commute. Do I need a license to drive a bike on the street?

LONG LIVE LOUIS?

I almost burned my muffins, but I didn't. I think it made them better - being rescued from the flames.

I say I almost burned them, because I forgot I was making muffins. I was really into this DVD I got from Netflix today. It's called "Louis Prima: The Wildest." Watching his performances, especially those with Keely Smith, confirms his place of honor as my favorite entertainer.

I can picture my Dad putting Prima on the turntable and taking a spin around the living room. Dad is a great dancer, and he loved to show out for me when I was a kid. Come to think of it; I think Mr. Prima will have to take second place to my dad.

REALITY BITES

Kill reality TV.

SALADE AVEC UN AMI

Ryan and I had the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday's last night. For some reason, I always put raisins on my salad there, though I never do so at home. I guess it's just the power of suggestion. If I kept raisins next to the croutons in the pantry, I'd probably eat them on salads more often. Gross?

We decided to go to Ruby's after the rehearsal fell through due to lack of interest. Most of the actors blew it off. Seeing the different ways everyone reacted to the situation was entertaining, to say the least. I'd classify the scene as one half angry mob and one half toga party.

We have been in performance mode for what feels like an eternity, so I enjoyed goofing off for a few minutes with them. I noticed that everyone seemed unusually loud - a normal enough response after forcing yourself to be so quiet backstage. It's hard to believe it's almost time for the cast party and striking the set. I have mixed feelings. If you were Delilah, what song would you play for me?

WHAT IS BEAUTY?

Hmm?

'90'S RAP

I heard a minute or two of '90's rap on the radio. Who knows why, but the sound made me think of pool parties. Why is that? Don't bother with the obvious, because the pool parties I went to never featured Fresh Prince and his cohorts.

BOUNCER NEEDED - APPLY WITHIN

Apparently, there are two kinds of employees in this world: the ones who work and the ones who interrupt said work in their endless pursuit of small talk. Lordy, I wish everybody would leave me alone so I could get my work done. What I need is a secretary to guard the door - or a bouncer! How can I get them to leave me alone without being rude?

OFF TO SEE ME?

If I could be a character from The Wizard of Oz, I think I'd either be the Wizard or the Gatekeeper of the Emerald City. Which character would you be?

I've really always wanted to be a doorman, anyway. I like the uniform and the idea of getting big tips just for saying hello all day. The USA Today recommends giving your doorman $100.oo cash for Christmas. They recommend giving your child's teacher a $10.oo gift from Target. Should I apply at the Ritz Carlton or the Astor?

BLAH

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Blah?

DID YOU MAKE THE LIST?

The radio announcer today was jawing about how safe his job is, compared to really dangerous jobs. He gave the example of police officers and fire fighters. I was curious, so I looked at what CNN & the Bereau of Labor Statistics listed as the most dangerous jobs in America. The number one was Timber Cutters - with a mortality rate 26 times the normal worker. Timber cutter, huh? That's my buddy Derek's job! A lot of the other jobs on the list are held by guys I know. I wonder if they know the statistical risks of what they are doing...or if they'd care. How dangerous is your job? If you found out it made the list, would it make you think twice of keeping it?

WASA! WASA! WASA!

I love WASA! Do you?

RUT

Why did I bother to work through lunch? Maybe that choice was counterproductive. I sat at my desk typing for 9 hours today. What do I have to show for it? A half a year's spelling tests and one lousy history pretest. The students are coming Monday. Yikes! I stopped working and went home because I could no longer think without food and a minute away from the computer.

I read in the paper tonight that most US workers waste 2 hours a day at work - not counting their lunch break. I find that doubtful. I think most people work hard. But some days, even when I'm working hard, I don't feel very productive. Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like you are spinning your wheels no matter how hard you try?

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT

Terry just told me that I expect too much from movies, and that's why I'm always so disappointed. Am I wrong to expect entertainment to be ENTERTAINING?

FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT

This one lets you see which dictator or sitcom character you are thinking of. For extra fun, answer the questions as yourself and see what character you are like. According to the computer, I am Mitch Leery from Dawson's Creek. I didn't know who that was until I googled the name. The one episode I saw of that show was the one where that character died and his son moped around. Monday nights are great for finding useless websites, aren't they?

Another one defines your political viewpoint. According to this site, I am a centrist.

"CENTRISTS espouse a 'middle ground' regarding government control of the economy and personal behavior. Depending on the issue, they sometimes favor government intervention
and sometimes support individual freedom of choice. Centrists pride themselves on keeping an open mind, tend to oppose "political extremes," and emphasize what they describe as 'practical' solutions to problems."

SOUTH AFRICA

Want to know what country you would be, if you were a country? Check out this site. Here's what it said about me:

"You're South Africa! After almost endless suffering, you've finally freed yourself from the oppression that somehow held you back. Now your diamond in the rough is shining through, and the world can accept you for who you really are. You were trying to show who you were to the world, but they weren't interested in helping you become that until it was almost too late. Suddenly you're a very hopeful person, even if you still have some troubles."

Hmmm....South Africa? I'll have to tell Werner about this site. Since he's from South Africa, he might get a laugh out of my results.

The site has a test to see which book you are. How could I resist?

"You're Les Miserables! by Victor Hugo One of the best known people in your community, you have become something of a phenomenon. People have sung about you, danced in your honor, created all manner of art in your name. And yet your story is one of failure and despair, with a few brief exceptions. A hopeless romantic, you'll never stop hoping that more good will come from your failings than is ever possible. Beware detectives and prison guards bearing vendettas."

I am a hopeless romantic. And lots of my students have drawn pictures of me. A group of them even wrote a song about me once. But thankfully I've missed the life of failure and despair. I can be melancholy, but not for very long. Life's too much fun to stay down for long!

And what animal would I be?

"You're a Dove! A fan of olives and the United Nations, you'd love to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. You like stretching your legs at major events, and have done your best to ward off floods when the waters have risen. All this running around leaves you exhausted, and it often seems you can never quite get the peace you so dearly crave. You really like to take showers."

When I took the "State" test, I got the oddest results:

"You're The Moon! You frequently take small steps, but you think very highly of each and every one of them. This aloof attitude doesn't begin to reflect how high and mighty you actually are, though you are able to reflect light onto others when it seems appropriate. Whether the glass is half full, half empty, waxing pedantic, or even crescent-shaped is something ever-changing in your perspective. These mood swings at least follow a consistent cycle, one that makes others believe you have mystical powers. Ultimately, your head is always in the clouds and you just can't seem to stay grounded."

20+ QUESTIONS

I'm apparently on a narcissistic binge with this blog, so why not go over the top? Here's the familiar question list that everybody emails everybody else. How many times have you been emailed this list?

What is your favorite color? white

What is your favorite scent? coffee

Where is your favorite place to vacation? Orlando or Gatlinburg. I enjoy the traveling experience about as much as I enjoy the destination. I love taking the Amtrak or piling in a car with friends.

Do you collect anything? I collect story ideas - and other creative ideas for projects and pictures. I was collecting old records, but I've given it up.

Do you have a favorite tv show? Not anything worth endorsing. I find myself watching TV guide's channel more often than not.

Are you crafty? If so, how? In the elementary art teacher kind of way. I'm interested in getting better at photography and graphic design (think magazine, not scrapbook).

Do you have kids? No.

Do you have pets? I miss my dog and pony - and the horses, cats, goats, and ducks I grew up with on the farm. Now, I have a hamster, a bird, and a fish that live in my classroom. It's not the same.

What kind of movies do you like? I like movies that make me think, or that take me to a time and place outside of my own reality. I'm on a foreign flick kick this summer.

What kind of music do you listen to? Old records from my parents or from the thrift store - they are so relaxing.

What kind of books do you like to read? I like character-driven novels and children's books. I've been exploring creative nonfiction.

Do you have a favorite magazine? Yep. I love reading the essay at the back of time magazine. Dalton Ross's Hit List in Entertainment Weekly is reason enough to subscribe to an otherwise hunk of junk mag. Business 2.0, Wired, and Mental Floss are great.

What is your favorite weekend activity? Throwing a small party for friends ranks right up there with sleeping the entire weekend away. Second place goes to a day trip to New Orleans.

What kind of work do you do? I teach.

What do you do for fun? I learn.

First name? Michael

Were you named after anyone? Mom's Uncle Pat.


Do you wish on stars? No. Just birthday candles.

When did you last cry? Last week when I watched the final episode of Wonderfalls.

Who's your favorite cartoon/comic strip character? Linus

What is your favorite lunch meat? turkey

What is your birth date? December 21, 1974

What is your most embarrassing CD? The "Little Orphan Annie" broadway soundtrack.

Do you have a journal? Yes, a blog and a traditional journal.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? Probably more than I think I do.

What are your nicknames? "Pat Pat"

Would you bungee jump? You betcha'

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? No.

Do you think that you are strong? Jesus gives me strength.

Shoe Size? 12 wide

Red or pink? red

What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I can be a little stiff, but I try hard to over come it - so I don't thinks it's terribly noticeable.

Who do you miss most? Can you miss someone you've never met? I think I miss my wife and kids the most.

Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? n/a

What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? black pants with bare feet

What are you listening to right now? an ad on TV

Last thing you ate? a waffle

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? neon green

What is the weather like right now? hot!

Do you like the person who sent this to you? I like everybody...there's that sarcasm again

Favorite Drink? milk (gross, huh?)

Favorite Sport? hockey

Hair color? black

Do you wear contacts? Yep.

Favorite Food? breads and sweets

What was the last movie you watched in a theater? Charlie & the Chocolate Factory

Favorite Day of the Year? Christmas

SCARY Movies Or Happy Endings? Scary movies WITH happy endings.

Summer or winter? Winter

Hugs OR Kisses? Hugs

What Is Your Favorite Dessert? chewy cookies

Who Is Most Likely To Respond? n/a

Who Is Least Likely To Respond? ditto

Living Arrangements? A longsuffering, I mean longstanding friend, Terry, and I share an apartment for a year until he marries next summer.

What books are you reading? The Nondesigners Design Book

What's On Your Mouse Pad? I'm on a laptop - no mouse.

What Did You Watch Last night on TV? an old movie, "Presenting Lily Mars." It wasn't that good, but I was too out of it to get off the couch and go to bed.

Favorite Smells? bread baking

Favorite Sounds? crickets chirping and frogs croaking on a cool summer night while I lie on the chaise lounge on the screen porch...piano solos are great, too.

Rolling Stones or Beatles? Beatles

What's the furthest you've been from home? Kenya

Do you like your handwriting? no

Last person you talked to on the phone? Josh

The first thing you notice about the opposite ? women with great smiles always catch my eye

Do you have a special talent? of course; everybody does!

RADIO WAVES?

Last night, when Terry came home from his summer job at Blockbuster, he plopped down in the armchair and told me all about what he wanted to be when he grows up. Ever heard that ideas are in the air?

WHEN I GROW UP

I was doing some mental housecleaning today, and just look what I found in one corner of my mind! I can barely remember where I got them. If I try hard enough, I can almost make them fit. Would you like to try them on for size?

"When I grow up I'm going to live in an antique-filled, white colonial with a picked fence, green shutters, and window boxes. A hall tree, piled high with umbrellas and scarves, will sit in the entry near the stairs. In the living room next to the stone fireplace and in front of the double bay window, will be a grand piano - the piano my wife will play every day. Her name will be Christina, and we will have five children: Christopher, Elizabeth, Rachel, Sarah, and Isaac (Zeke). [One of them will grow up to be Mayor of our town, or Governor, or even President of the United States.] I will ride my bike to work at the University every weekday morning. In the summers, I'll write books. I will also edit a journal. Christina will write books too, when she's not writing music - and she and I will own our own publishing company. My wife will always beat me in golf, but I will keep trying to beat her at it. Somehow, we will find time to give great dinner parties! We'll have a big back yard, with plenty of room for our dog and cat. And every night I'll tell my children stories about my youth, when I had nothing better to do at night than dream of them and their mother."

"When I grow up I'm going to live in a loft apartment downtown. It will be an industrial brick-boxed space with exposed pipes and lots of story-high windows. All our furniture will be modern and well-designed. A corner of the living area will be dedicated to my wife, Molly's paintings. She'll run a gallery on the first floor, opening it after she sells her restaurant and bakery. Sometimes, she'll display some of my photographs in the gallery. She thinks a lot more of my photography than I do. Next to my darkroom, I'll have one room of the apartment set up as a studio where I can record songs when the inspiration hits me. Mostly, I will record Molly's songs. I like them better than mine. I will run marathons. Molly will try to teach me to swim. We will play tennis together. We'll have three adopted children, Benjamin and Gabriel - from Russia, and little Beth - from China. [One of them will grow up and discover a cure for a dreadful disease! One of them will win the third grade spelling bee! One will never stop gazing at the stars! We will be very proud of all three of them!] We will have a rooftop garden where we grow organic vegetables. Once a month, we'll open the gallery at night for poets and singer-songwriters to share their work. Our building will be the hub of the new downtown renaissance. We will edit the local arts magazine. Our guest room will always be a place where our friends - mostly designers, artists, actors, and writers - can crash for a weekor two - soaking in the creative inspiration. Because our building doesn't allow pets, we will "adopt" one of the walruses at the local zoo, and at Ben's request, we will visit him one Saturday a month for almost a year! We will spend the summers camping or traveling and learning new languages. We will never be bored and will turn parts of the house into natural museums or broadway stages on rainy Saturdays or potentially dull Tuesday nights. At night, the children will tell me stories about their dreams and what they think life will be like when they grow up."

"When I grow up I will live in a small bungalow in sunny California. I will produce and perform in a children's television show. I will market a related line of curriculum and educational toys and software. Because of the show's popularity, I will be able to go beyond writing for educational journals, and will be asked to write articles about education for popular magazines and newspapers, eventually using my influence to start a grass-roots movement that will revolutionize the American educational system. When I retire from entertainment/education, I will run for and win a state political office. My wife, Rebecca, and I will moonlight as ballroom dancers. Rebecca will be a dance instructor and will eventually own a chain of studios featuring her own highly successful teaching methods. She will serve on the board of directors of a local school of the arts. She and I will record CD's together, and will use some of the money from their sales to help produce local theatrical productions. Our children will not be very interested in theater or singing, but both our son and daughter will be patient with their "wacky parents." [Chuck will grow up to be a banker. Becky will insist on being called Rebecca after she breaks into the world of fashion design.] For our thirtieth anniversary, my wife and I will finally take the trip to Europe that we've been promising ourselves."

"When i grow up i will sell everything i own and live in a schoolbus in the woods of Alabama. After living like a hermit for three years, i will get a job teaching English in China. As i move across my new homeland, i will travel light - living out of my backpack - because i like living that way. i will own three cars and fifteen bicycles in my lifetime. i will never marry. Though i have no children of my own, i will encounter many young men and women who will grow to think of me like a dad. i will find real fulfillment in missionary work. When i finally learn to play, i will discover that i do like to play chess - and that it's a great way to bridge language barriers. i will grow a big beard and wear the clothes that my family back in America sends to me. i will wear flip flops almost every day; sometimes I will wear no shoes at all. i will write books about my experiences as a missionary, so that future men and women can gain strength and encouragement from the lessons i learn. i will learn a lot from the Chinese! i will occasionally reflect on the life i might have lived had i stayed in America, and i will laugh with joy because of how much i love my life in China. i will never stop missing Taco Bell. On the day that i die, i will not know the network TV line-up."

What will you be when you grow up?

FAMILY TIES

Sarah, my sister, and her family came down to see the play. Spending time with them cheered me up. It's amazing what a little quality time can do for the soul. I didn't realize how empty my "love tank" was until they started hugging and kissing me. When was the last time anybody did that? Toward the end of the day, when I left Sa's family and went to the performance, the other actors noticed my raised spirits and asked, "What have you been drinking? Why are you so happy today?" I had to admit that my better mood was just the result of some old-fashioned family time. I wonder if life will be like that when I have my own nuclear family.

CATCHPHRASE

Some of the guys from the musical pointed out my catchphrase, "That's funny." Now that I'm aware of the habit, I'm trying to break it. AAAHHHHH! Do you know how hard it is to keep yourself from saying a stupid catchphrase?

JUST SAY NO?

During last night's performance, a little voice in my head said, "You're auditioning. Somebody in the audience is watching you." And I thought, "Boy, I have a vivid imagination. I wish." So in the lobby after the show, the director of a new show called "Witchcraze" approached me about auditioning for her show. She explained that she had been watching me during the show, liked my singing and stage presence, and wanted me to audition. It was flattering (and a little odd, since I had the premonition, or whatever it was). But I don't want to be in the show, and I feel awkward, because I'm not that great at saying no. It's not socially acceptable to say, "I don't want to." Everyone expects you to say, "I'd love to, but..." Why do I have to come up with a lame excuse?

TURTLE SOUP

I finally came up with a name for the new little magazine I want to start. I think I'll call it Turtle Soup. What do you think?