"I NEED TO HAVE A GOAL"

Wow. I just read another of Jim's entries in his blog, and again I'm going to copy and paste it here so I can easily reread it a few more times. This quote sounds like a strange hybrid of something I'd say at 20 and how I'm starting to feel at 30:

"It's crazy how right when you think you have life figured out, you end up confused again shortly thereafter (usually worse than before). That's how it's been here lately. I've been going to school for 3-4 months now, but it looks like if I continue according to their plan...I'll just end up some boring businessman - I'd honestly almost rather die. I know that living for that would kill me in the heart. I need to do my own thing. I'm not going to live life everyday doing something that doesn't make a difference...and come on...redesigning sites for some guy's company to make him more profit really doesn't matter...at all...in the slightest bit...What would be my dream job...? If I could pick anything it would be a photographer that does stuff like they do in National Geographic or something. I'd love to travel all over the world, go to remote villages or mountains or jungles and just take pictures. I've been told a couple times I should be a photojournalist... There is a great need for that in the Christian community. Someone to inform people on what is going on. Maybe I could find some way to combine web design, photography and writing. I like doing all three...I need to have a goal...some way to use these three things soon...hmmm..."

RESTORATION

I just found a blog entry written by a guy named Jim that I totally identified with. He explained a concept that I struggled in vain to explain to one of my matches on eHarmony. She asked me what my goal for my life was. I told her I wanted to be the man God made me to be. Here's what Jim had to say:

"I don't want to kill it. I want to be who God made me to be. I have to admit, right now, I'm quite far from being that person. The real me just sits in hiding, afraid to come out. This isn't good at all. God has put things in me that other people need, but instead...I'm distant, detached, and afraid to love the people that God has put in my life. 'You're such a jerk' Satan chimes in, 'That person needed encouragement, but once again you failed to give it - That person needed you to love them, but you were too afraid...as usual.' Good thing I serve a God who is going to finish His work in me. Jesus came to 'bind up the brokenhearted, [and] proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound' Isaiah 61:1 KJV. My heart is His now. There is nothing that He can't fix and there is no situation that is hopeless with Him. He is restoring my heart everyday."

I guess that's my goal. I want to be restored.

I think I've figured out what attracted me to the stories of those three characters from the past. They weren't too afraid to care.

HEROES

It's 2:42 on a Saturday morning, and here's what I'm thinking about. The three books from my childhood that had the greatest impact were The Cross and the Switchblade by David Wilkerson, The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boon, and The Biography of Jane Addams, the founder of Hull House in Chicago. It was the personal connection that I felt with the main characters that made these books special to me. I identified with them in a way that I'm trying to piece together this morning. What was it about them that made me connect with them? I loved them, of course. Who wouldn't? All three were heroes, but I read a lot of stories about heroes. Not all of them were special to me - just these three. Why are they in my mind now?