THE FUNNY STUFF

PUBLIC NOTICE: THE FOLLOWING ANECDOTES ARE SHARED TO BE HUMOROUS, NOT OFFENSIVE. I HAVE MET WONDERFUL GERMANS AND AM NOT STEREOTYPING TO BE MEAN OR CRITICAL. IF YOU DON'T GET THAT I'M JUST MAKING A JOKE, THEN GROW A SENSE OF HUMOR...READ SOME OF MY ARCHIVES, AND YOU'LL SEE THAT I MAKE FUN OF STUPID THINGS IN AMERICA ALL THE TIME

Sitting at an intersection in Harburg tonight, the light changed to green. When the car in front of us didn't budge, a driver HONKED! I was shocked, until the thought hit me that honking like that wasn't considered rude here in Germany like it would have been back home in Mississippi. MS drivers would never honk at the car in front of them. They might eventually pull around the car (if the driver had fallen asleep at the wheel, or somthing), but honk? No way. So this experience tonight turned my thoughts to all of the other funny cultural differences I've observed. Here are a few.

In MS we have dirt and gravel roads in some places. But here in Germany, they have BONG BONG STREETS. I kid you not! They call an old-fashioned stone road a Bong Bong Straße. They gave them this name for exactly the reason you would guess. When you drive down them, you make a noise like, "Bong! Bong! Bong!" Funny, eh?

What else? Well, instead of a "cell," a German would refer to a cellular phone as a "handy." That name change took some getting used to. Hand me the Handy: How does that sound to you?

Sometimes I feel like I'm in Japan here. Why? It's a lot more formal than in the states, and there are tons of social restrictions and expectations that Americans wouldn't tolerate. For instance, the shopping mall I visited was as quiet as a library (no exaggeration). I went to Claire's with my neice so she could buy some earrings. I've been with my neices to the same store in the States, but the German version was crazy in comparison! In case you don't know, Claire's is a tiny store filled with too many racks of girly-girl accessories, loud music and uber-excited tweenage/teenage girls. But the German Claire's was sparse, with no music and nobody making any noise. Apparently, for Germans, shopping is akin to going to a funeral. I wanted to grab the manager and tell him to put on some disco and try to make the girls laugh and talk. But I don't think German teens are the type to giggle in public.

Oh, here's another way Germany is like Japan: you take your shoes off when you go into people's houses. And you put on a pair of bedroom shoes (cold floors). I haven't seen this many pairs of slippers before in my entire life. Germany is house-shoe-lovers-heaven. And the piles of shoes outside of people's apartment doors cracks me up. Somebody could trip over them! They just pile them in the hallway. It's great!

Aren't there some things that are like America? Yes! Well, kind of anyway. For example, we went to KFC here. BUT... The prices were sky high. The food was terrible. The portions were small. The customers were smoking; they even sold cigarettes in a vending machine in the restaurant. Do you remember those? Way to keep your European customers' health in mind, KFC! Moral of the story: When in Germany, stay away from US fast food chains.

You bag your own groceries at the grocery store, and you have to pay 50 cents for each bag. You can bring your own bags, and many people use wicker baskets. Remember, as you shake your head in disbelief, that their fridge's are the size of a mini-fridge we usually reserve for hotels and college dorm rooms. They could fill their fridge to capacity with a wicker-basket full.

Everybody walks and rides bikes or uses the train. Yay for eco-friendliness, but it's mostly the price of gas. It costs my brother ONE HUNDRED US DOLLARS to fill his car's tank. So, the next time you are tempted to complain about the high cost of gas, close your mouth and count your blessings. Oh, and they call it "petrol" here, not gas.

There is an entire 1/2 aisle in practically any grocery store filled with chocolate. The drug store doesn't carry contact solution. Nobody here has ever heard of a stain stick. They drink milk called H-milk that you can keep outside the fridge - warm milk, people. In fact, most drinks are served room temperature. So refreshing! Try washing your chocolate candy bar down with a tall glass of warm H-milk. Delicious!