WHEEL OF (mis)FORTUNE

I went to an audition for Wheel of Fortune today. The repulsively charismatic host belittled the randomly-chosen fans who mustered enough personal courage to join him onstage. The fake-Vanna never drew my name from the hat. I didn't spin the wheel, but I was content to watch the spectacle. And I learned two things about fans of the show: (1.) They have white hair. (2.) Their primary activities are playing scrabble and internet-based games, and watching TV shows.

When was the last time you watched a game show? Which one was it?

BEGINNING

Not exactly sure what I'm starting here, but here goes nuttin.'

Any suggestions?

WELL, HAVE YOU EVER?

What a swell party this is...

(If you get that movie reference, then 5 bonus points for you.)


HAVE YOU EVER...

Smoked a cigarette: NO

Wrecked a car: NO

Stolen a car: NO

Gotten a speeding/parking ticket: NO

Been dumped: YES

Shoplifted: YES

Been fired/laid off: NO

Been in a fist fight: NO

Snuck out of your parents' house: NO

Been arrested: NO

Gone on a blind date: NO

Lied to a friend: YES

Skipped school: YES

Seen someone die: NO

Been to Mexico: NO

Been to Europe: YES

Eaten sushi: YES

Met someone in person you met on the internet: NO

Taken pain killers: YES

Had a tea party: YES

Cheated while playing a game: YES

Fallen asleep at work: YES

Used a fake ID: NO

Had surgery: YES

Felt an earthquake: NO

Experienced a tornado/hurricane: YES

Thrown-up in a public place: YES

Touched a snake: YES

Been robbed: YES

Broken a bone: NO

Slow danced with someone you love: YES

Petted a deer/goat: YES

Won a contest: YES

Hit a home run: YES

Been suspended from school: NO

Been in a car accident: YES

Made a speech: YES

Partied till dawn: YES

Had braces: NO

Gotten stitches: YES

Been spanked: YES

Sat/Stood in a corner: YES

Eaten a pint or more of ice cream in one night: YES

Witnessed a crime: YES

Swam in the ocean: YES

Climbed a moutain: YES

Been struck by lightning: NO

Flown: YES

Sailed: YES

Sung karaoke: YES

Snuck into a movie: NO

Paid for a meal with only coins: YES

Laughed until a beverage came out of your nose: YES

Been kissed under mistletoe: YES

Crashed a party: NO

Slept in church: YES

Worn pearls: NO

Had braces: NO

Slept in a cabin/tent: YES

Jumped off a bridge: NO

Eaten pet food: NO

Kissed a mirror: NO

Bowled a strike: YES

Glued your hand to something: YES

Done a one-handed cartwheel: NO

Cheated on a test: YES

Talked on the phone for more than 6 hours: YES

Not taken a shower for a week: YES

Gone skinny dipping: NO

Picked and eaten fruit right off the tree: YES

Been told by a complete stranger that you're cute: YES