SNL

I want to write for SNL. I'm funny about half the time, so I think we'd be a good match.

Here's an idea for a parody I think everyone would enjoy. You know Nokia's "It's Your Life in There" ad campaign. Blah...well anyway, picture Ed, the guy who sings along with his ringtone. Well, I'd cast Horatio Sanz in the part. Can you picture it? Just about the time he gets really into singing his "Good Old Boys" theme song, a hand should reach out from behind the camera and smack him. Or even better, the camera could swing around and Simon, Paula, and Randy could critique his performance. "I'm not being rude, Ed, but your performance was awful, the worst we've ever heard..."

Wouldn't that be sweet?

What commercial really gets on your nerves?

MY NOSTRIL

Stephen just bought a new digital camera. It's, like, a 5 megapixel or something, so the resolution is crazy astounding when compared to my sad 2.1 megapixel Sony. Ben took all of these stupid pictures with it yesterday. For example, he put the lense in his mouth and took one of his tonsils. But my favorite was the one he shot up my nose. I was blinded by the flash, but the end result was worth a little pain. I'm not posting the picture here, so you'll just have to use your imagination.

On a related side note, Jenny told me yesterday that film companies have stopped manufacturing black and white film. Is that for real? If so, I'm sad. Not that I ever used b/w, but I still hate to see it go.

GOOGLE IN CHINA

I just googled the word "Freedom." If I lived in China, I couldn't have done that search. What do you think about that policy?

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, please read these two blogs:

Google's official blog about it

Scott Adam's blog about it

CHALLENGER

I hate news articles. They take something personal and emotional and real. They slap the event onto a journalistic operating table, cut the heart out and sew the story back together as a Frankenstein’s monster of black and white facts and figures. I guess that’s why I prefer blogs.

Case in point: I just read MSNBC’s article on the Challenger accident. James Oberg’s angle seemed to be to write the piece as a “mythbuster” style expose, a “we know what happened better than you do, even though you were there” article. Here’s my least favorite quote: “Historians, reporters, and every citizen need to take the time this week to remember what really happened, and especially to make sure their memories are as close as humanly possible to what really did happen.” That just speaks volumes, doesn’t it? In effect, he’s saying, “Hey, I’m a journalist, so pardon me while I tell you what to think and what to remember about what happened to you.” Contrast that attitude with the typical blogger who says, “Hey, this event happened to me personally and this is how I remember it and feel about it.”

The article mostly just seemed to quibble over words and nuances, like the definition of “explosion.” Give me a break. I really had trouble with the main distinction Oberg tried to make between people like me who watched it live and most of the general population who caught it later that day on tape. He accurately points out that not many people caught the actual live broadcast, but I think he is missing the point. I mean, I wasn’t watching live TV when the planes hit the Twin Towers, but the deal was that I did see it happen on TV. A small time delay didn’t make it any less unreal or any more palatable. I think the same is true of the Challenger tragedy. Who cares when we watched it? We did, in effect, all watch it. And we all felt like we watched it together.

So in an effort to counter balance that historically revisionist article, here are some of the things that I remember from that day: 20 years ago today, I was an 11-year-old 5th grader in Mrs. Holcomb’s class. NASA had spent a lot of time and money that year on a campaign to sell the space program to America’s school kids, myself included. Knowing that mostly just school kids got to watch the launch via satellite made me feel like a dignitary. This was the kids’ launch, after all. NASA said so. They even went so far as to put Christa McAuliffe, a teacher, on the flight crew.

Their campaign was a success. We identified with the crew. We had studied their bios and drawn pictures of them to hang on our bulletin boards. The models we made of the space shuttle hung from yarn all around our classroom. My group of friends and I played “space camp” during every afternoon recess. Challenger filled our school culture. It filled our class time. It filled our dreams.

So when it suddenly went missing in a cloud of flames, it left my generation of school kids empty and hurting. Our cheers of joy died into shocked silence. I had talked about the space shuttle launch every single day from the time my teacher told me about it until the moment it happened. But after that day, I didn’t talk about it again for years. The crew’s pictures came down off the bulletin board and the models went into the trash. My friends and I stopped playing astronauts and went back to kickball. NASA had lost its place in our imaginations. It was the end of an era.

I can still remember the newspaper picture of the local teacher who just missed her chance of flying on the Challenger. I think she and I had a lot in common that year. With our feet safely resting on the ground, we found our hearts hurting and our dreams disappointed, our lives forever altered by the tragedy that was the Space Shuttle Challenger.

N'MIND

Well, the problem seems to have corrected itself.

S. O. S.

My sidebar has freaked out. If anybody can help me, I'm asking for advice. I'm guessing it's a problem with the template's code. I added flickr and this happened. I moved it lower in the sequence of code, but it didn't fix it. Neither did removing the flickr stream. I'm wondering if I accidentally deleted something, but I don't know html well enough to know what to look for. I know this site now looks dumb, though. So if anybody can tell me anything, please leave a comment. Looks like a good time for me to start learning html. Thanks! Feel free to view the page source and tell me what I've done wrong.

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME...

I Wish I had a Fairy Sanitation Mother like Scott Adams seems to have...Oh, well. I've run out of ideas for this. Went to the creativity bank and found a zero balance in my account. I have no clue about what to blog about today. I'm busy packing and wrapping up things here in Germany for my flight back to the good ol' U. S. of A. Sorry I don't have anything else to show & tell. But here's a little Dilbert for you just the same.

THE FUNNY STUFF

PUBLIC NOTICE: THE FOLLOWING ANECDOTES ARE SHARED TO BE HUMOROUS, NOT OFFENSIVE. I HAVE MET WONDERFUL GERMANS AND AM NOT STEREOTYPING TO BE MEAN OR CRITICAL. IF YOU DON'T GET THAT I'M JUST MAKING A JOKE, THEN GROW A SENSE OF HUMOR...READ SOME OF MY ARCHIVES, AND YOU'LL SEE THAT I MAKE FUN OF STUPID THINGS IN AMERICA ALL THE TIME

Sitting at an intersection in Harburg tonight, the light changed to green. When the car in front of us didn't budge, a driver HONKED! I was shocked, until the thought hit me that honking like that wasn't considered rude here in Germany like it would have been back home in Mississippi. MS drivers would never honk at the car in front of them. They might eventually pull around the car (if the driver had fallen asleep at the wheel, or somthing), but honk? No way. So this experience tonight turned my thoughts to all of the other funny cultural differences I've observed. Here are a few.

In MS we have dirt and gravel roads in some places. But here in Germany, they have BONG BONG STREETS. I kid you not! They call an old-fashioned stone road a Bong Bong Straße. They gave them this name for exactly the reason you would guess. When you drive down them, you make a noise like, "Bong! Bong! Bong!" Funny, eh?

What else? Well, instead of a "cell," a German would refer to a cellular phone as a "handy." That name change took some getting used to. Hand me the Handy: How does that sound to you?

Sometimes I feel like I'm in Japan here. Why? It's a lot more formal than in the states, and there are tons of social restrictions and expectations that Americans wouldn't tolerate. For instance, the shopping mall I visited was as quiet as a library (no exaggeration). I went to Claire's with my neice so she could buy some earrings. I've been with my neices to the same store in the States, but the German version was crazy in comparison! In case you don't know, Claire's is a tiny store filled with too many racks of girly-girl accessories, loud music and uber-excited tweenage/teenage girls. But the German Claire's was sparse, with no music and nobody making any noise. Apparently, for Germans, shopping is akin to going to a funeral. I wanted to grab the manager and tell him to put on some disco and try to make the girls laugh and talk. But I don't think German teens are the type to giggle in public.

Oh, here's another way Germany is like Japan: you take your shoes off when you go into people's houses. And you put on a pair of bedroom shoes (cold floors). I haven't seen this many pairs of slippers before in my entire life. Germany is house-shoe-lovers-heaven. And the piles of shoes outside of people's apartment doors cracks me up. Somebody could trip over them! They just pile them in the hallway. It's great!

Aren't there some things that are like America? Yes! Well, kind of anyway. For example, we went to KFC here. BUT... The prices were sky high. The food was terrible. The portions were small. The customers were smoking; they even sold cigarettes in a vending machine in the restaurant. Do you remember those? Way to keep your European customers' health in mind, KFC! Moral of the story: When in Germany, stay away from US fast food chains.

You bag your own groceries at the grocery store, and you have to pay 50 cents for each bag. You can bring your own bags, and many people use wicker baskets. Remember, as you shake your head in disbelief, that their fridge's are the size of a mini-fridge we usually reserve for hotels and college dorm rooms. They could fill their fridge to capacity with a wicker-basket full.

Everybody walks and rides bikes or uses the train. Yay for eco-friendliness, but it's mostly the price of gas. It costs my brother ONE HUNDRED US DOLLARS to fill his car's tank. So, the next time you are tempted to complain about the high cost of gas, close your mouth and count your blessings. Oh, and they call it "petrol" here, not gas.

There is an entire 1/2 aisle in practically any grocery store filled with chocolate. The drug store doesn't carry contact solution. Nobody here has ever heard of a stain stick. They drink milk called H-milk that you can keep outside the fridge - warm milk, people. In fact, most drinks are served room temperature. So refreshing! Try washing your chocolate candy bar down with a tall glass of warm H-milk. Delicious!

JASON'S PICTURES

Overwhelmed, originally uploaded by extremeboh.

My buddy Jason titled this photo "Overwhelmed." Check out his other fantastic pictures on his flickr account!

LITTLE PIG, LITTLE PIG, LET ME IN!

Dan, David, and I took a country drive today and stopped by the Sniers Hus for a quick tour. Doesn't that name sound like a place Dr. Seuss would like to write a book about? We passed the museum the other day when we drove to the heide for our walk, so Dan knew I wanted to poke around and take some pictures. He picked a day when I was really zonked, though, so he drug me off of the couch and shoved me into the car. I perked up when we got here. It looks like a place our dad would really love, so I made a lot of pictures to show him.

The garden reminded me of pictures of Colonial Williamsburg. Looks like ol' Ben Franklin would feel right at home.

Straw roofs always remind me of the three little pigs. The Sniers Hus was built in the 17th Century, so it has some wickedly cool construction details. One of the barns was held together by wooden pegs.

We drove further down the country road and slowly passed a group of students learning horseback riding. They looked so proper in their riding outfits. Then we came upon this old house. It originally had a water wheel, missing now. Do you see the bridge on the right? A little stream flows by the house's side. The house, dating from the US civil war era, is sadly empty now. The family lives in a new home across the street.

Just a little ways down there was another mill. This one still had its wheel and still ground grain. It was built in 1758.

Opposite the mill was this building. I had to take a closer look, so Dan and Dave waited in the car.

When I stepped through the archway, this is the view that greeted me.

I quickly headed back to the car when I realized that I was standing in someone's private yard. I wouldn't want to disturb Sleeping Beauty.

THE AUTOBAHN, NEW FRIENDS, AND MORE WINDMILLS

photo credit

I thought you'd like to see what modern windmills look like here, since I've been showing you my pictures of the old ones, go I pulled this one off google. The new ones are about 10 stories tall. I always catch myself softly humming the Teletubbies song everytime I we pass them while driving the autobahn. Speaking of the autobahn, this guy passed us going about 150 the other day. Back home, only cops drive that fast! There's a saying that on the autobahn, you are either the hunter or the hunted. I saw a bumpersticker while we were driving once that read, "Don't hunt what you can't kill," or in other words, stay off my bumper if you don't think you can take me. Pretty much sums up the typical driving ethic on Germany's highways - and even on their sidewalks!

But not all Germans will mow you down. Many Germans I've met have been kind to me. Last night I visited Daniel and Annette's small group. It's an English-speaking Bible study. It was nice to fellowship with them and encourage ourselves in our faith. And tonight, I visited Dan's older friend, Herr I. again. He was hospitable, as usual. It was hard to say goodbye to him, but at least I will have one more week to visit the small group before I return home to America.

IKEA, A WINDMILL, AND A SOUVENIR KEY

After work today, Dan drove the kids & me to Ikea, a Swedish furniture store. This pair of lamps represents the style of furniture and housewares they sell. I was impressed that these were only 18 euros each. We had a snack at the hotdog stand while we were there. Everybody here seems to love sparkling apple juice. They mix half juice with half club soda. We actually mix it ourselves at the table, but today we bought it already mixed. I like it in bottles at holidays, but I'm starting to get used to drinking it every day.

On our way back from Ikea, we took a long drive around the countryside surrounding my brother's apartment. This is the second old windmill we've seen since I've been here. This one has almost completely been rebuilt as a meeting room where locals hold marriages and other events.